First couple chapters of my story

I'm not sure if I want to go full out novel on this, or if I want a short story, but tell me what you think anyway:
(top entry)
http://7singmealullaby.livejournal.com/

Well, its ok. I did notice a few things that don't make sense.

The writing swaps between third person and first person, and it just gets confusing, so you should fix it up.

There isn't really much of a back story, just personally for me to get wrapped in a story there needs to be a little character developement, and there wasn't really any in this story, though it was a short story.

It seems too much like a 'love sick teenage romance' type of book, and those just generally never appeal to me.


So in short, if you're going to keep writing and make it a novel, add in some more character developement at the start, and if you want to keep it a short story or turn it into a novel you need to choose which sort of narrative you will use. And maybe add a little more to the plot...? Because teenage love romance novels don't appeal to a high market apart from tweenage girls.

Sorry I went a little into analysing it(literature student here)....but yeah I did like it!

Thanks for the feedback.
I haven't read most of it for awhile, so the switch of point of views was probably an early decision I didn't follow up on.
Character development will be improved too

Ok
I'll probably go through and cleanse it of mistakes before I go on.